To Pregnant #BlackBoyMoms on Mother’s Day
I was roughly 14 weeks pregnant with my first child when 12-year old Tamir Rice was killed by police in Ohio. Weeks later, my husband and I checked into our routine sonogram to find out what we were having. Thoughts of Tamir Rice and Trayvon Martin remained in my head and in my heart. What once seemed like deadly societal encounters involving adult Black men at the hands of law enforcement, and those taking the law into their own hands, had now become an assault on our babies in broad daylight.
A few minutes into the scan we heard, “It’s a boy!” The tears began to flow for both of us. My husband cried tears of uncontrollable joy. He had his son. His namesake was on the way! And I cried tears of fear and concern for his safety growing up in a country where the status quo is to villainize Black boys before empathizing and protecting them. As I looked at my husband, I instantly knew that our tears had different meanings and I knew that I could not share my emotions because I did not know how to explain what I felt. I also knew that it was highly likely that my emotions would not be understood. What could I be worried about? My baby boy was months away from entering the world and years away from being mislabeled a threat. I felt hard pressed to find anyone who I thought would understand my concerns. Even speaking with a limited number of Black moms, as organic conversation surfaced about fears for our children, they did not understand concerns I had for my unborn son. They were girl moms and they didn’t understand.
As my pregnancy progressed, I continued to navigate potential pregnancy complications disproportionately impacting Black moms. Health conditions such as fibroids and gestational diabetes were being monitored by my OBGYN. Aside from this, it would turn out to be a fairly healthy textbook pregnancy. In one visit, my OBGYN sensed my nervousness and tried to comfort me about my fibroids she was measuring and the risks of miscarriage, but as a maternal health expert, I already knew the risks. As a mom of a Black son, my thoughts were not on fibroids in that moment. My thoughts were on my son as I continued to view the reports of baby boy Tamir and read disturbing viewpoints from people justifying his murder as they did to baby Trayvon. There was so much on my mind about my first pregnancy that most new moms experience no matter our race, and now, so many concerns about the type of future my Black son would have in a world that dehumanizes Black boys and men. It’s a feeling only moms of Black boys can relate to. As I listened to my supportive, white OBGYN try hard to comfort me and cheerfully tell me to focus on fun things like picking out fun things to design the nursery with while she kept an eye on the fibroids, I knew if I even tried to explain what I was feeling that she would not understand, no matter how hard she may have wanted to. I kept my concerns to myself. In hindsight, I should have shared what my stressors were with a professional so they could understand my pregnancy profile and what my societal stressors were that could potentially impact my pregnancy.
Thankfully, my pregnancy progressed smoothly as I continued to avoid the news and was limited on social media as compared to now. Today, my precious sunshine is a happy, healthy, and beautiful five-year old mama’s boy. As a mom, I celebrate myself and my dedication to him this Mother’s Day and everyday. He knows that Mama Bear will do whatever it takes to protect him.
Future #BlackBoyMoms, enjoy this precious time. We know that your instincts to protect your child begins in the womb, but WE GOT YOU. Let the mama bears who walked this delicate journey before you fight the fight to protect our sons. Take in this special time with your little sunshine in your womb. Take in all the things-those precious moments, the firsts, the kicks, the cravings, the sonograms, and the overall beauty of this special time and know that some of us know exactly how you are feeling. There is a powerful force of Black moms who are lifting you up that is far greater than the systemic forces that tear us and our sons down and weather us all in one. And this powerful force is tearing down racist systems and structures across the nation.
Expectant mamas who are already nurturing your precious SUNshines and preparing for your baby on the way, protect your peace. Protect your sacred wombs. Remember to breathe. Protect your pregnancy. Research by Dr. Fleda Mask Jackson has proven that societal stressors such as racism targeted towards our children can impact our health and our pregnancies. Find your Black boy mom support network. Turn off triggering news and social media alerts. Seek professional, culturally competent support to balance societal stressors impacting Black women while you are pregnant, and throughout your fourth trimester. Begin a daily self care routine. Find joy in small and big things to balance your fears. And let this army of Black boy moms fight your societal battles while you focus on your pregnancy, nurture your precious baby boy, and care for yourselves.
Beautiful, pregnant Black mamas, you are seen. You are loved. We celebrate you on Mother’s Day and EVERYDAY. Remember, being a #BlackBoyMom manifests a love that transcends all fears. Your little sunshine will light up the world and has a special place in the hearts of #BlackBoyMoms like us.
Love,
A Black Boy Mom
Frankie Robertson, a social justice activist, is a policy consultant for National Birth Equity Collaborative. @frankiebrla on Twitter and Instagram.
